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[Jun. 30th, 2005|07:41 pm] |
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I am really restless right now. I want to do something. I'd like to write, but I can't think of anything to write right now. Plus my computer isnt ready, and I'd rather not start wasting more laptop memory. I'd also like to do some art, but I'm not sure if I have anymore paper and the only thing I feel like using right now is pastel, which is too messy for me to use in my room, and I don't think Mom would like me getting multicolored powder all over the dining room. Maybe I should clean. My room can always use it. Not that its a mess, because it rarely is because I always clean, but I always see more things to clean up. In thinking of things to do, cutting crossed my mind. But I can't do that. I promised John I wouldn't. So I won't.
So what am I going to do? John didn't feel good so he went to bed early. Well, it was like midnight for him when he got offline, but he has been staying up until like three am (thats 9pm for me). Cheryl isn't home yet and I don't think will be home for another two hours or so. I want to know how Jeff is doing, how his treatment is going, but I don't want to bother him, so if he wants to talk, he can IM me. Maybe I should call Abby. or Leigh. We are suppose to get together for a girls night - which we haven't done in forever!! And I don't know how Ellie, my unnofficial goddaughter, is doing. I haven't seen her since she was like a month old! She would be... four months now. Haven't even seen Leigh since like January, and that was only a pass in the hall.
So what am I going to do?? I dunno.
I think I'll clean. At least I can do that until I think of something better to do. |
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[Jun. 30th, 2005|09:12 pm] |
why do pictures of cuts make me want to cut? a pretty thin leg covered in red lines, with fresh cuts producing delicious bubbles of blood. it makes me want to cut up my leg to make it look like that. i want to cut cut cut. i'm not depressed. i am a little anxious, but not depressed. at least not right now. but i still want to cut. just to see the blood. but i can't. i promised i wouldn't.
sigh. ok. i should probably relax and watch tv. |
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