[

Current Mood

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suicidal

]

Last night, on my way home, my car flipped.  It rolled over and over until it finally fell right side up in a ditch on the side of the road.  The top was smashed in, I thought the roof was goign to crush me so I bent sideways.  Somehow I hit my head, getting myself a huge hematoma.  And my hand is all cut up from the glass.  It scared me to death and I just kept crying.  Luckily a passer by helped me out of the car and stuff and gave me a blanket until the ambulance came.  I feel like such an idiot.  First I get a ticket, then I total my car and get two more tickets in the process.  I'm so pathetic. I wish my injuries had been worse.  They asked me if I had been trying to hurt myself and I said no, but I sorta wish it was the case.  I wish I had the courage to end it all like that.  I just want to cut now, cut deeper and deeper.  I want to die.

I had to stay home from treatment today and I weighed myself, finding out I've gained five pounds since going back.  Which only adds to my depression.  I'm just so ready to give up and be done with this life.