Stephaney (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} sissani) wrote,@ 2008-02-27 08:46:00 |
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I've been really suicidal all morning and last night. Just really, what is the point? They pulled the tube so I have no help at meals anymore and my treatment team is being, in my opinion, overly critical of me. I get it, I made a mistake, but that has nothing to do with my other areas of treatment.
I just want to dig in the blade and run it down my arm. Go over and over it until I see bone or tendon or something. I've been fantasizing about it all yesterday and today.
I feel hopeless. Like my ED is never going to go away - I restrict durring the day and b/p at night and I cant stop either one. I feel helpless. I've been in treatment seven months now and I'm still no better than I was. My eating disorder has just as much control.
I'm just so tired of all this.
I just want to dig in the blade and run it down my arm. Go over and over it until I see bone or tendon or something. I've been fantasizing about it all yesterday and today.
I feel hopeless. Like my ED is never going to go away - I restrict durring the day and b/p at night and I cant stop either one. I feel helpless. I've been in treatment seven months now and I'm still no better than I was. My eating disorder has just as much control.
I'm just so tired of all this.
