Current mood:

frustrated

Good at only one thing.
RANT ON:

What the fuck was I suppose to do??  I'm not ready for that shit.  I'm not ready to do that again - I've got some respect for myself, thanks.  I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of, shit he doesnt know about yet - that this journal doesnt even know about yet - because I'm too chicken shit to tell anyone.  Because I'm too ashamed.  No one knows about it.  Only Mom.  And if I could turn back time I never would have told her for the shame I have of it.  Not that she has ever rubbed it in my face, she's been fantastic about it, but its all in my head.  But I dont want to do that here.  I dont want it to feel like all those times.

But apparently I did the wrong thing because two minutes later he's up and away.  Why cant I stop cringing at the touch??  Why cant I have my old body and confidence back??  Dont I fucking deserve to have that??

Fuck.

RANT OFF.

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